Arlington, VA - Officials at Saint Vincent Hospital are searching for answers after a fibromyalgia patient with 57 allergies crashed their electronic medical record less than two hours after going live.
"We were not prepared for the destructive forces fibro[myalgia] had to our IT infrastructure," said CEO Lance Bestow. "We spent eighty million dollars and hired fourteen consulting firms and it still found a way to ruin our day."
Pharmacist Jim Detter was working data entry duty when the malicious fibromyalgia attack occurred. "Everything was fine at first. Then I hit a string of allergies to cardboard, the color red, Washington State, and country music. I could literally feel my keyboard heating up. We. Were. Not. Prepared."
A Department of Health and Human Services official, who wished to remain anonymous because they were not authorized to speak to the public, has confirmed a rash of similar attacks around the country. "We have talked with numerous fibro-terrorism experts and none of them seemed optimistic for a rapid solution."
Department of Homeland Security representatives are currently working with congressional leaders to craft legislation that requires all fibromyalgia patients to only report their top ten preferred allergies, none of which can include gluten, abstract thoughts or colors of any kind.
Reports of proposed government allergy restrictions quickly spread to Fibromyallergia, the internet's number one combined fibromyalgia and allergy forum. One anonymous member, who goes by the moniker I-Drive-A-Hurts, was convinced they had an allergic reaction to the news. "As soon as I heard this, I felt funny and added it to my list that I keep with me at all times. By the way, I have fibromyalgia."
Until such legislation becomes law, public health officials are asking fibromyalgia patients to error on the side of caution and only tell their physicians and nurses about their top three allergies. The AMA and ANA are loudly applauding these proposed changes.
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"We were not prepared for the destructive forces fibro[myalgia] had to our IT infrastructure," said CEO Lance Bestow. "We spent eighty million dollars and hired fourteen consulting firms and it still found a way to ruin our day."
Pharmacist Jim Detter was working data entry duty when the malicious fibromyalgia attack occurred. "Everything was fine at first. Then I hit a string of allergies to cardboard, the color red, Washington State, and country music. I could literally feel my keyboard heating up. We. Were. Not. Prepared."
A Department of Health and Human Services official, who wished to remain anonymous because they were not authorized to speak to the public, has confirmed a rash of similar attacks around the country. "We have talked with numerous fibro-terrorism experts and none of them seemed optimistic for a rapid solution."
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| Common allergy profile in fibromyallergia. |
Reports of proposed government allergy restrictions quickly spread to Fibromyallergia, the internet's number one combined fibromyalgia and allergy forum. One anonymous member, who goes by the moniker I-Drive-A-Hurts, was convinced they had an allergic reaction to the news. "As soon as I heard this, I felt funny and added it to my list that I keep with me at all times. By the way, I have fibromyalgia."
Until such legislation becomes law, public health officials are asking fibromyalgia patients to error on the side of caution and only tell their physicians and nurses about their top three allergies. The AMA and ANA are loudly applauding these proposed changes.
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