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Thanksgiving Meme Humor Collection

Enjoy this fine collection of Thanksgiving Day humor meme's you won't find anywhere else except on The Happy Hospitalist's Facebook Page, Pinterest and Twitter accounts. Make sure to join today and never miss another day of the humor action again! And don't forget to check out the hospital that closed for the entire Thanksgiving weekend!

"Today we are thankful for Ativan. Oh yeah, and Haldol too."

Today we are thankful for Ativan. Oh yeah, and Haldol too medical humor meme photo.

"Prepare yourself. Understaffed hospital coming!"

"Oh, so you gained 15 pounds of fluid after Thanksgiving? Tell me more about how my dialysis orders are all wrong."

"Prepare yourself. Pureed turkey and stuffing is coming!"

"Prepare yourself! Holiday admits are coming!"

"What if I told you Thanksgiving was a fowl holiday?"

"I don't always celebrate Thanksgiving, but when I do I drink Wild Turkey!"

Top 10 List of Social Admits Defined!

What is a social admit to the hospital? A social admission is generally accepted by healthcare professionals to be a patient with no acute medical needs that is brought into a hospital because no safe discharge arrangements could be made at the time they presented.

Most social admits involve elderly patients who present to an emergency room with weakness, have a thorough negative workup and are too weak to go home but have no where else to go. They might have a non surgical fracture limiting their mobility or a family refusing to take them home.

Most social admissions occur after-hours when community services are unavailable to assist with a safe discharge. Most patients are admitted through the ER by a Hospitalist to observation status, which often causes the patient to be readmitted a month later with a stroke or a heart attack when they get a bill for thousands of dollars in uncovered Medicare services.

Most of the time, a social admit can be safely discharged within the next 48 hours, which happens to be the time Medicare will pay for observation status. Occasionally, a weekend or a holiday throws a wrench in the plan and hospitals become default nursing homes until discharge can be arranged.

On rare occasion, social admits stay weeks, sometimes months, in a hospital because no long term care facility will accept them. Some patients, and their families in particular, have burned all the bridges in their community nursing homes and patients have no where to go. Occasionally patients are too dangerous for nursing home care and state psychiatric wards refuse to accept them because of other chronic medical needs they can't provide for.

Every now and then hospital medical teams ask adult protective services to start revocation proceedings to strip powers of attorney rights from families of patients they feel are neglected from failure to place into long term care.

What is the longest hospital stay ever? That's a good question readers could shed some light on. Feel free to leave a comment with the longest hospital stay you've ever heard of. This AHRQ graph presented here shows the two most common longest hospital stays are pediatric related with premature birth and infant respiratory distress syndrome. However, neither comes close social admit lore. Some patients have reportedly spent months or years in a hospital waiting for discharge.

Readers have previously shed some light on the definition of a social admit (admit to the hospital to arrange for a nursing home placement) and the social admit marathon (when the admission and arrangement for placement happens twice a month for 3 years). Make sure to update your vocabulary with all the funny medical slang.

What does the Top 10 List of Social Admits look like? The Happy Hospitalist Facebook asked readers to help define The Social Admit and they didn't disappoint. Here is the list of the top 10 social admits based on comment likes.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to do incontinent grandma's colonoscopy bowel prep at home.
I once worked for a cardiologist who was asked to admit an older physician's mom because her home was being painted.
Family took mom off hospice and brought her in for the holidays so they could go out of town for Christmas and New Years.
The family has been caring for grandma at home for a number of years but have suddenly decided on a Friday night at around 9 pm that they can no longer handle it.
Once had a dead patient left in a wheelchair by family.
"My mom hasn't been acting themselves (they are 80+yrs old) I think something is wrong" followed by "If you need to get ahold of us here is our cell number we will be down in the Caribbean for an already planned vacation" as they run out of the hospital leaving a smoke trail.
Wife admitted with pneumonia. She brought in alcoholic spouse because he was "unsafe at home without me." He was admitted after wandering around the ER's seclusion area. They had rooms down the hall from each other, but the man didn't want to allow her to see him because he was mad at her for bringing him in. Nicest drunk I've ever cared for.
Patient was admitted for possible spider bite on arm. Patient only needed high doses of intravenous pain medication and cable TV because WWE was on. Patient and family didn't have cable at home and the hospital was within walking distance for everyone.
Caregiver no-showed and we couldn't get a SNF admit. You know you can find a "UTI" or "pneumonia" on pretty much anyone! Solid goto diagnosis for those social admits.
I have had many a patient show up in the ER with suitcase in hand because they are just going to be admitted no matter what.

Here is the rest of the social admit list compiled by Facebook readers. If you haven't joined, make sure to like the page and never miss another status update again. You won't find this kind of important information anywhere else!

The family is going out of town for a state Basketball tournament and couldn't take grandma.
Long term dementia patient but the family swears there are new mental status changes, increased confusion. Come on. And the million dollar work up begins.
Altered mental status in Alzheimer's patient on a holiday weekend.
I had a patient admitted for "dementia". When I called the hospitalist to notify him of her admission and arrival to the floor he asked what she was admitted for. I said "dementia." He said, "Is that even a diagnosis for admission?" I said listen, "She has dementia and the husband takes care of her but he was admitted for pneumonia and the family doesn't know what to do with her so they wanted to check her in too." So, apparently dementia is in fact an admission diagnosis.
When my great-grandmother had each of her (nine) kids, she stayed in the hospital with the newest baby for 6 weeks in a private room with her own private duty nurse. It's like the complete inverse of social admits now... Instead of being pawned off by a family not willing/able to provide care she was getting away from being the caregiver, and they just paid for it with no middle entity like you did back then. Back to today, my favorite is the social failure-to-discharge: when you discharge a patient yet they're still on your list the next day, and the next, and the next, just because of social/placement issues.
The VA.
Bringing grandma in so family could evacuate for hurricane.
My favorite is the demented John Doe dropped off at the ER entrance with no admission reason but no ID or contact info either. Thanks family.
"Confusion" at 3 a.m. after taking sleeping pills, from the Alzheimers/Dementia unit. Baseline neuro: confusion.
Patient flown in from remote Alaska location for "skin infection" but discovered to be homeless, broke, and has a blister from 5 days of walking around without changing his socks or shoes after he spent time up to his knees in mud.
Family didn't want to take grandma on vacation with them. Decided 90 year old grandma needed admission for ETOH detox.
Bringing grandma in so family could go on a cruise.
Grandma is demented and family was remodeling the house, thus rendering it an unsafe environment for her.
And don't leave out the extended stays! Grandma is ready to discharge Friday but the family can't pick her up until Monday because they're "out of town."
Friday night ER visit: loving son drops off demented mom for confusion but can't be reached until Monday because coincidentally he is out of town for a wedding and demands her discharge Monday morning at 0800.
300+lb middle-aged female that "can't" walk (i.e. wont walk) and has urinary retention, has "servants" that help her in the home but family refused to take her back home with a foley leg bag despite extensive teaching of both patient and family.
How about admission for possible seizures because it was the middle of winter, snowing and the person was homeless.
Family brought grandma in because "it was time for that free nursing home" but demand the really nice one 'cause only the best when it's free!
Patient arrives from another country yesterday to stay with family but family quickly realizes they can't care for them. Patient receives dialysis but treatment hasn't been arranged and patient's insurance doesn't carry to the U.S!
Nursing home drop offs for weekends and holidays for "altered mental status" that have been going on for a week.
I was working at LA County Main admitting one night when a guy came in because he had been evicted at 11 o'clock at night. He knew there was a social worker there at night.
It's Saturday night and family wants to party, so they drop off the patient in the ED with a suitcase full of clothes and say they'll pick her up on Monday.
Currently trying to deal with a chronic lunger who wants to stay because they turned off her electricity. Still has enough cash to buy cigarettes though. Oh yeah, I do have to feed her too. Glad to see my tax money going to a good cause.
Most of the referrals to acute rehab are for social reasons. We are not your grandma's babysitters. * sigh*
When I worked during Hurricane Katrina, we had multiple admits from home because the family didn't want to take their loved ones with them, or they were on home oxygen. Extreme case, but true. Needless to say, our wall oxygen didn't work, we had no running water or electricity, and they were medivac'd out to God knows where.
Wealthy family in a small town has family come to visit. Elderly aunt has a personal care giver with her but dear aunty is admitted to hospital for "HOSPITALITY" level of care! Out to family gatherings during the day but was brought back by 7 pm, put to bed by care giver who then went back to enjoy socializing with the family... the hospital tied up a 2 bed room in a critical access hospital for $10/night! We pottied her, changed her bed etc & were told to cater to her. We had to remind ourselves frequently that if you have the right name & position in the community you can get this service. No one else EVER got "HOSPITALITY " care.
Chicago. Old couple admitted because their heater broke last winter.
Had an ER patient brought by ambulance from another hospital ER because the wait was too long.
Daughter just can't do the dressing changes anymore (had home health for six days a week for a little foot wound) she had to do the dressing once a week (or could have let it go one day)
Constipated severely demented 98 year old whose wife couldn't get him to take laxatives (and would probably have broken both their hips getting to the bathroom if he had taken them).
Parents bring in child on medicaid for running fever all week on Friday night to ER. Leave and come back to take home Sunday afternoon. Can't call it neglect because they left in care of responsible people! Parents get free babysitter for weekend.
Brother and sister admitted for varicella because the family had plans to go to a water park for the weekend.
Because family planned a vacation and forgot to find someone to watch grandma.
Kicked out of assisted living home because of behaviors on continusou oxygen and 22% lung function with severe COPD. Social worker drops him off at ER for "SOB". No where to discharge to! Spent a week admitted walking halls and flirting, room service while someone found him a place to go!!
I thought you were referring to the patient using the phone the entire time with a room filled with company and relatives calling for an update q15m (every last one of them drunk and hungry). After all, the patient does need the sliver removed. My duh. I had to read the other posts. Gotcha.
89 year-old grandma with Alzheimer's brought in by local fire rescue. She was found wandering in her night gown. Police got her address off of a ID necklace she was wearing. When they got to her house they found her husband dead. During the middle of the night he had passed from a massive MI and no one was around to take care of her.
Husband has been taking care of wife at home, who has advanced multiple sclerosis for 10+ years. Apparently no followup, no therapy, no home care. Decides on Monday that since he's having back surgery on Thursday, he can't care for her. (Sad thing is, she went skilled and will probably never go back home. She's 56.) Sad social admit, because she had no acute illness, but so preventable.
Why is it always grandma and never grandpa

Editor: Good point!

"Ask your hospitalist today if mom is too old to hyperventilate and they'll work the system to get her free entry into the Nursing Home Marathon paid for by Medicare"

Ask your hospitalist today if mom is too old to hyperventilate and they'll work the system to get her a free entry into the Nursing Home Marathon paid for by Medicare ecard humor photo.

"Did you know 'too angry for discharge' and 'patient refuses to leave the ER' are now Medicare approved reasons for inpatient admission?"

"Prepare yourself! Holiday admits are coming!"

How To Make a Doctor or Nurse Cry: The Tragic Trinities.

The Happy Hospitalist asked Facebook fans to describe three diseases or patient and family characteristics that lead to tragedy for healthcare providers when seen in combination with each other and the results were remarkable. If you are not yet a fan of The Happy Hospitalist Blog Facebook Page, make sure to join now and never miss another status update again. Every doctor or nurse has their own tragic trinity combination that brings tears to the very psyche of their soul.

For example, some doctors have pseudoseizures when they see the tragic trinity of pelvic fracture + observation status + angry daughter watched the 60 Minutes episode on demanding physician write inpatient order. Some hospital floor nurses cry uncontrollably when they see naked crazy guy in ER + 5 minutes to end of shift + phone ringing with ER ready to call report. Exposure to these deadly combinations will help doctors, nurses and other healthcare providers survive should they ever find themselves in these dangerous situations.

Dionysus

Is this humor dark and tasteless? Yes. So is burned tofu, but you never hear anyone complaining about that. If you are not in healthcare, you won't understand the crude humor presented here. If you have a weak stomach, I suggest you stop reading immediately and get some Pepcid. However, if you are a healthcare provider and you want to learn about potentially deadly combinations you may encounter in your career, I suggest you keep reading. Study these tragic trinities. Memorize them and prepare yourself for the day when they show up in your clinic, ER, nursing home or hospital floor.

Without further delay, here is the definitive list of The Tragic Trinities of Healthcare. If you happen to think of any that may have inadvertently been left off the list, make sure to add them to the comments so all doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals can prepare themselves.

93 years old + family no longer allowing ativan to be given + patient thinking they're in combat.
Frequent flyer overdose (found down naked in her yard again) + schizophrenia + doctor who thinks its funny/appropriate to order 0.5MG haldol!

I might as well spritz it in the air and ask her to inhale! Jeesh! It's 5mg per dose or don't bother ordering it!

Pancreatitis + npo + walking off to eat in cafeteria, always back in room when pain meds due with pain and vomiting.

Yells at staff to push Dilaudid 4mg and phenergan 50 mg faster (and you were 3 minutes late with the meds).

Moving in with lamp, bath rug, own cordless phone, and pumpkin to carve (along with knife) + on Medicaid + has lawyer, and mother on speed dial and brags about getting disability due to his back issues.
Explosive diarrhea + non ambulatory + family left so they 'wouldn't be in the way'.
Dementia + UTI + daughter who has spent a little too much time on Web MD.
Sleeping meds + bowel meds + unable to transfer without ceiling lift.
91 year old LTAC patient with chronic peg and trach + failure to wean or thrive + full code.
Missed period + wants pregnancy test + brought all 5 kids under the age of 4 because couldn't afford a babysitter.
95 years old + fall resulting in hip fracture, SAH and fractured ribs + momma will be fine!
Bath salts OD + severe agitation on ketamine drip on a vent + the mom that claims "my baby would have never done those he if knew they were drugs!
Viagra + nitro + wife and girlfriend at the bedside.
Child with fever for 3 days, no meds + used EMS to come in + no ride home + needs a work note for a shift that starts in 30 minutes.
Missed last 2 dialysis treatments + increased SOB + going to leave AMA once emergent dialysis treatment is over.
Psych patient on the medical floor with 1:1 sitter + poops in his hands and rubs it in his leg wounds so he can " die from infection" + decides to walk the unit and has blood dripping from leg wounds + is farting and pooping as he is walking through unit with gown dragging and butt hanging out.
Severe COPD + chronic trach + kicked out if LTAC for smoking through the trach.
Confusion + C. diff + family who won't wear the isolation gowns and stand over your shoulder telling you how to take care of the patient.
Chronic pain + Substance abuse history + "allergic" to NSAIDS.

But that Dilaudid stuff worked pretty good.

Hillbilly trifecta: Hillbilly + ATV + Alcohol/Narcotics.
ESRD + severe sepsis + has son who is a doctor in another state that wants everything done for his mother who is 96 years old.
ETOH + GIB + family in denial.

"What did you do to make dad crazy. He doesn't drink!"

End stage disease + pain/anxiety + spouse refuses all benzos and narcs because he'll get better if he's not sedated.
Child with mild rash + stay at home mom with multiple rings and Coach purse + cancelled Zumba class.
Ivy League grad student + too drunk to go to jail + JCrew sweater/shorts = douchebag trifecta.
Gangbanger with a GSW + 3 baby mommas all showed up at the same time and are not happy with each other + a couple of suspicious looking characters stalking the hallways trying to find this idiot so they can finish the job.
Fibromyalgia + ETOH + expert at knowing how to abuse the system.
Metastatic disease + comfort care + crazy daughter wants IVF antibiotics, solumedrol and accuchecks.
Fainted at home + didn't call doctor + on five blood pressure meds + anemic from chemo + lives alone.
Missed probation appointment + dirty urine + "If I'm not admitted, I'll kill myself".
Patient npo sneaking water from the faucet + profusely vomiting + legitimately sick with pancreatic issues and a high BAC.
Chronic pain + 7 medication and 4 food allergies + 3 Service animals for "stress disorder".
Status post five rounds salvage chemotherapy + Hypotensive and tachycardic in oncology clinic + Direct admitted for goals of care discussion and hospice placement.
Fibromyalgia + neuropathy + bipolar
Middle age divorce + Bipolar + quack diagnosis of adult onset ADHD + dexamphetamine prescription + internet testosterone injections.
A non-compliant diabetic, frequent flyer + who does drugs and comes in only to vomit every where because of the DKA + when feeling better demands all sorts of things than signs out AMA!
Intubated/near extubation pneumonia + psych patient in which doctor discontinued all psych meds + sedation "holiday".
Patient with TIA symptoms that left AMA and came back after you filled out AMA paperwork + wanted TPA when he returned and physician ordered it and you had to administer it + leaving AMA again 3 hours later.
Hasn't taken any insulin or done a finger in a month ( cuz they didn't feel like it) + ate whatever they felt like + blood glucose over 1000 + an enabling significant other....

I think we could actually keep this one going.

Large, former military man + new neuro checks ordered from a fall + extreme Sundowner's with paranoia.
Pre syncope + 35 medications + 93 years old, with very very concerned children if patient will survive the night.
On a balloon pump + stands up to poop + what a wonderful day,

Called the cardiologist and they say "Huh, bet you never saw that before!"

Multiple fractures + DT s+ Laculose.
Trach + pseudomonas + head injury.
Numbness/tingling + 15 "allergies" (ranging from vanilla flavor to morphine) + history of anxiety or headache.
Patient with spouse of 8+ years at bedside for hyperglycemia with stated signs and symptoms of high blood sugar being a swollen vagina with blisters + husband also reporting same symptoms when his blood sugar is elevated + RN notes herpes outbreak during straight cath.
Patient observed throwing themselves out of their wheelchair + they really didn't need it + then screaming for help while you are trying to triage a walk in MI
Inpatient with severe asthma + walked out on own after less than 24 hours with IV in arm "to brush teeth" + readmitted to ER via ambulance less than half-hour later.
Goody powder + pradaxa + anything.
Chronic dizziness + drug "allergies" + borderline personality disorder.
Severe DTs + "allergies" to Haldol, Ativan, and Librium + enabling daughter at bedside that says that shes going to take daddy for a smoke and a drive just as soon as he gets released.

And of course, he "don't drink but 6 days a week!"

Dementia + chronic fatigue + only daughter is a lawyer in New York.
Fibromyalgia + 8 drug allergies + TID Xanax = 3 vials of propofol for anesthesia induction and a rough emergence.
Sepsis + DTs/withdrawal + combative and wanting to spit at everyone + RN making it to the back of his head to put a mask on his face while others are restraining his wrists = him spitting on himself.
Allergic reaction to lisinopril + steroid allergy + no mental capacity to appreciate the irony.
Uncontrolled pain + daily office visits + incomplete documentation, coding and compliance queries provider for documentation. (The coder's perspective)
Dialysis + patient is a tree stump (mostly amputated bilateral legs and arms) + unstable arrhythmias.
92 year old family matriarch + full code + 37 family members with sudden onset of acute tachylordia with multiple JC's--except the two that "done fell out".
Gastroparesis + narcotic dependence + morbid obesity or anxiety.
Acute respiratory failure + acute on CRF + worse CHF = circling the drain.
Nausea and vomiting + no IV access+ new resident.
Smoker + COPD on home O2 + family keeps leaving room to go on smoke breaks.
600 pounder + refuses the bariatric room + is max assist.
OD + opiate addiction + EMS administered Narcan.
Gastroparesis + no veins + no brains.
Weakness/dressing change/uses a walker + certified by psych for inpatient mental health + unfunded status needs to go to state hospital = 5 month hospitalization.
Non-English speaking + terminal illness +family 'wants everything done'.
8 medication allergies + fibromyalgia + on Seroquel.
Morbid obesity + chronic joint pain + poor surgical candidate.
CHF + advanced COPD + on a ventilator.

"How to make a nurse cry: chronic pain + 14 food allergies + 3 service animals for stress disorder."

Dirtiest Places in a Hospital Top 10 List

What's the dirtiest place in the hospital you ask? Is it the GI lab with their colonoscopy equipment and their C. diff? Is it the operating room with their bowel obstructions, bloody gunshot wound victims, total colectomies and their spurting arteries? How about the bronchosopy lab with all that MRSA colonization and gobs of spit. The cath lab? The radiology area? The dialysis unit? How about the cafeteria? Restaurants have been known to get pretty messy bend the scenes. Is the cafeteria the dirtiest place in the hospital? How about the patient's room with all their friends and family? Then there is the nurses station and the doctor's lounge and the laboratory break room. Are they the dirtiest places in the hospital?

This question was presented to the readers of The Happy Hospitalist Blog Facebook page. The collective responses contain the obvious collection of door knobs, shoes, keyboards and other commonly assumed dirty places in the hospital. But some responses were unexpected. Below is a list from readers like yourself of the dirtiest places in the hospital, with a handpicked Top 10 List for your reading enjoyment. The next time you go to a hospital keep this list in mind and navigate carefully through these dirtiest places in a hospital. Feel free to add to this list in the comments section below and help educate other readers on how to stay safe in the hospital.

TOP TEN DIRTIEST PLACES IN THE HOSPITAL

The letter J on the computer keyboard right after it's used by a gastroenterologist.
The 47 year old son that lived with his mother from room 110.
The chicken nugget that has been photographed in the same place now going on two years.
The leftovers in the back right corner of the nurse break room fridge that's been there for 6 weeks and counting.
Homeless patient clothes.
The curtains in Room 1.
Used speculum collection after a night shift in the ER.
The resident's white coat.
That one doctor. Everyday.
The med student stethoscope, because they are the only ones that actually use it.

FACEBOOK RESPONSES

Elevator buttons.
Pulse oximeter.
The chicken nugget that has been photographed in the same place now going on two years.
The curtains that are around the beds. How many times do they get splattered on and are not changed?
The nasty phones us nurses carry so we can't get any patient care done! There is no way we remember to clean them after each room we go in!
Non disposable EKG leads in the ICU/ED. They are always nasty and in need of a cavi-wipe soak!
Door knob to the dirty utility room.
The staff kitchen. No one cleans up after themselves. Frustrating!
Computer key pad or patient bed/tv controller.
Public phone in ER hall.
Tube system tubes.
I once cultured the bottom of my nursing shoes. There were things growing my microbiology teacher couldn't identify.
ID badges.
The mattresses! Bodily fluids just soak right in if your draw sheet wasn't placed correctly.
Bathroom door handles.
What is the staff refrigerator for $800 Alex.
Charts! No contest.
The hand rails.
The spouts on the soda machines.... One time my coworker cleaned them and they were full of mold! Gross!!!
The water cooler - folks just stick their bottles right up and over the faucet.
Floor! You know how many times a day or week it gets pooped or peed on?
Bottom of the OR tables.
The computer KEYBOARDS definitely!
The nurses lounge!
Ice machine!
The keyboard at any nurses station!
The nurses' lounge, hands down!
Waiting room bathroom in an inner city hospital.
Everything! Especially the floor. I'm pretty sure the dirt just gets pushed around instead of cleaned!
Doctors ties or jackets (white coats).
The telephones.
Used speculum collection after a night shift in the ER.
The curtains in room 1.
Underneath the trauma beds. I've never seen the underside get cleaned. We have much blood loss Captain Kirk.
IV poles.
The letter J on the computer keyboard right after it's used by a gastroenterologist.
Patient nutrition room ice machines.
Any patient room. Even after being "cleaned".
The leftovers in the back right corner of the nurse break room fridge that's been there for 6 weeks and counting.
Keyboards, telephones and desk tops.
Handle on the exam lights.
That nasty carpet in the halls.
The resident's white coat.
Floors or the bottom of shoes!
Physician neckties and nurse badge lanyards.
Front entrance where one pushes or pulls the door.
Nursing lounge fridge vs the big bins of used dirty sheets waiting for wash.
Behind the computer screens.
Ice machine, hands down. Google it and gag when you hear what is found.
Door handles to the public bathrooms. I always use a paper towel to open them.
My shoes.
Light switches in patient rooms!
The pump on the hand sanitizers, phones, keyboards/mice, and patient charts!
Desk doctors computers or mouse. ER patient gurney rails.
The telephones carried by any patient caregiver. Hands down.
The call button.
TV remotes.
Homeless patient clothes.
Door knobs, hand rails, soap dispensers, toilet handles, telephones, chairs, elevator buttons, my job has given me germophobia.
Call light/television controls in room.
Respiratory break room at my hospital!
The med student stethoscope, because they are the only ones that actually use it.
Family nutrition room.
The rectal tubes seems like an obvious winner.
The counter in the doctors lounge where they keep the donuts.
That one doctor.
Soiled/dirty equip room.
The 47 year old son that lived with his mother from room 110.
Trach patient's room.
Public water fountains are reportedly dirtier than public toilets.
The carpets in waiting rooms- they never get cleaned and people let their kids play and crawl all over them!
Little button on the water fountain.
Breakroom fridge door handle.
Doctors Lounge Floor
Guest coffee makers in the ED waiting area.

"What if I told you the staff fridge is the dirtiest place in a hospital."

This post is for entertainment purposes only and likely contains humor only understood by those in a health care profession. Read at your own risk.

EHR Updates During Busiest Time of Day Preferred By Hospital Doctors.

Grand Rapids, Michigan - Epic Systems Corporation, the maker of a leading electronic health records (EHR) product, has confirmed most physicians prefer to have their patient data management system go offline during times of peak patient encounters.

A recent study published in the Journal of Electronic Health Records asked 5280 physicians at four Michigan hospitals with at least two years of EHR experience when they prefer to have their system go offline for routine weekly maintenance. An overwhelming 77% preferred the hours of 3 - 7 pm on Mondays. The other 23% answered not applicable as they had not yet logged into their local patient management system or performed a single computerized physician order entry.

Having an EHR system shut down for routine maintenance can be challenging. Years of research has suggested practicing high quality care without access to patient records and an order entry platform can compromise patient safety, place computer keyboards at risk for traumatic injury and lead to vulgar language from doctors and nurses.

Stanley Jensen, Epic's Chief Maintenance Officer, said, "We were surprised most physicians enjoy having their busiest time of day interrupted." Mr Jensen indicated his team had planned on changing routine maintenance work to the middle of the night to minimize physician and nurse interruptions, but this survey changed his mind.

"I used to think having Epic go down for hours when I'm trying to admit eight patients through the ER, return 42 pages at the same time, run three codes and eat a late afternoon snack was ridiculous. But then I realized, it's a perfect chance for me to yell profanities and break stuff without remorse, " said Michigan University Hospitalist Jeb Feldor.

As a result of this ground-breaking study, most other EHR companies are looking for ways to maximize workflow interruptions of doctors and nurses.

CPOE Humor Memes. (Laugh Q 1 Hour PRN Scheduled Routine Stat)

If you're looking for a little CPOE humor, look no further. CPOE stands for Computerized Physician Order Entry. CPOE provides a perfect opportunity for good humor. Their ain't nothin' funnier in this world than watching emotional breakdowns in middle-aged 1%ers as they try to navigate C-B-C on a standard English keyboard that hasn't changed in centuries. No matter what your position is on physician order entry, we can all agree on one thing: If you can't laugh at yourself, the Happy Hospitalist will do it for you. What you'll find here is a fine assortment of original (and not so original) CPOE humor memes to help bring joy to your daily grind. Please enjoy these memes Q 1 hour prn scheduled routine stat.

"Stat orders? Ain't nobody got time for that!"

Stat orders? Ain't nobody go time for that! medical humor meme photo.

"You didn't really mean stat. Did you?"

"The next phase of CPOE is here: Computerized Physician Order Empathy" (Stage 3 Meaningful Use)

The next phase of CPOE is here! (Computerized Physician Order Empathy) photo.

"The leading cause of death among doctors is CPOE: Computerized Physician Order Exacerbation"

"'Round these parts, when our CPOE system dies, we call that a Computerized Physician Order Execution."

"I don't always do CPOE. But when I do it's called computerized physician order errors."

"I don't always do CPOE. But when I do, they serve cake and I scream."

"I don't always do CPOE. But when I do, AKDHT ALCKE BALDK THBOEK EOE!!!"

"I don't always do CPOE. But when I do, expect shock and awe....f**k!"

"I don't always do CPOE. But when I do, expect 5 more meetings on your agenda."

"I don't always do CPOE. But when I do, shit hits the fan Q 1 hour am scheduled prn."

"I don't always do CPOE. But when I do, I imagine lots of people saying 'WTF was that order'."

"Oh you hate putting in your own orders. Tell me again about your excellent penmenship." (source unknown)

Oh you hate putting in your own orders. Tell me again about your excellent penmenship CPOE humor meme photo.

"Facebook humor"

FACEBOOK HUMOR:

The FDA, CMS, CDC, AMA and ABIM has just put out an urgent alert today recommending all physicians wear SCDs and take Lovenox shots while rounding. A rash of CPOE (Computerized Physician Order Embolism) related deaths is to blame. The most at risk are suspected to be physicians sitting for hours trying to figure out how to enter a standard garden variety 5-way if/then order involving pharmacy, lab, nursing and housekeeping. These eClots are for real. Take action now!

An exciting Novartis news release today says they are now selling Computerized Physician Order Excedrin. This proprietary CPOE formula promises to counteract headaches from any CPOE system on the market. It's available only be e-prescription. Unfortunately, no physician can figure out how to enter the order.

HEALTH FOR ALL

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