Really? REALLY? Are you REALLY that gullible? I spent hundreds of hours searching the internet trying to find the perfect link for people wondering whether that shocking story they read on Facebook or Twitter was really true. You know those people. They believe anything. They are the ones who respond with emotional lability when everyone else understands the humor and satire. Yes stranger, if you're reading this, I'm probably talking about you. You probably landed here because of some link suggesting an incredible story that nobody believes is true, except you and your gullible soul.
I don't blame you for your lack of ability to tweak out comedy from reality. I suspect you grew up in a broken home with no electricity and no running water. I suspect you had no fun in your life. Your daddy made you eat peas. You're mommy made you do your own laundry. You grew up in misery and despair and now you're taking out your anger on social media platforms for all the world to see just how emotionally frail you really are.
Us normal folk? We don't blame you for being really super gullible. We think it's funny. Sometimes we think it's sad. But mostly just funny. And, we're probably laughing AT you and your Downer Debby life. For you healthcare workers, now that we know you're gullible, it's going to be really easy to mess with your mind. Remember that nurse who said they put Lasix in your coffee? Remember that doctor who you curb-sided and he said you probably got gonorrhea from sitting on the toilet seat at the State Fair? They were kidding. Really, they were. Or maybe they weren't. Maybe you really are just a gullible little puppy searching for a hug.
I'm not saying you're stupid. Out loud. I'm not saying you're dumb. Out loud. I'm just saying you're really gullible. If all the comments say LOL! or FUNNY STUFF! or THAT'S HILARIOUS! and you find yourself upset, you're probably extremely gullible. But there's only one way to know for sure. The Happy Hospitalist has put together a top 10 list of life situations you may encounter on your daily travels through WiFi. Grab a sheet of paper and label it from 1-10. Then, read each scenario out loud slowly and carefully. Absorb every word. Use your God given upper motor neuron complex to form rational thoughts about each issue. Take your time. There's no hurry. This test is important. For each issue, mark a zero if you agree or if it makes you think of someone in YOUR life or if it makes you laugh out loud. Mark a one if you disagree or if it makes you want to get into a really long Facebook comment debate or if it makes you angry, even if it's just a little angry.
"The doctor said this new medication called Placebo works better than Dilaudid."
This post is for entertainment purposes and likely contains humor that is only understood by some healthcare professionals and people who are emotionally stable. Read at your own risk.
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I don't blame you for your lack of ability to tweak out comedy from reality. I suspect you grew up in a broken home with no electricity and no running water. I suspect you had no fun in your life. Your daddy made you eat peas. You're mommy made you do your own laundry. You grew up in misery and despair and now you're taking out your anger on social media platforms for all the world to see just how emotionally frail you really are.
Us normal folk? We don't blame you for being really super gullible. We think it's funny. Sometimes we think it's sad. But mostly just funny. And, we're probably laughing AT you and your Downer Debby life. For you healthcare workers, now that we know you're gullible, it's going to be really easy to mess with your mind. Remember that nurse who said they put Lasix in your coffee? Remember that doctor who you curb-sided and he said you probably got gonorrhea from sitting on the toilet seat at the State Fair? They were kidding. Really, they were. Or maybe they weren't. Maybe you really are just a gullible little puppy searching for a hug.
I'm not saying you're stupid. Out loud. I'm not saying you're dumb. Out loud. I'm just saying you're really gullible. If all the comments say LOL! or FUNNY STUFF! or THAT'S HILARIOUS! and you find yourself upset, you're probably extremely gullible. But there's only one way to know for sure. The Happy Hospitalist has put together a top 10 list of life situations you may encounter on your daily travels through WiFi. Grab a sheet of paper and label it from 1-10. Then, read each scenario out loud slowly and carefully. Absorb every word. Use your God given upper motor neuron complex to form rational thoughts about each issue. Take your time. There's no hurry. This test is important. For each issue, mark a zero if you agree or if it makes you think of someone in YOUR life or if it makes you laugh out loud. Mark a one if you disagree or if it makes you want to get into a really long Facebook comment debate or if it makes you angry, even if it's just a little angry.
- Vaccinations are harmful. I prefer cute homeschooled, unvaccinated children ravished with measles over vaccinated children cared for by responsible adults.
- Listen up women. Breastfeeding is not a choice. Just like pooping is not a choice. What the f*** is wrong with you. You are a bad mother if you don't breastfeed your baby.
- Circumcision is not a decision that should be left to the boy once he's older. Have YOU ever heard of a 13 year old is asking his mama to get circumcised like the other boys in gym class?
- Capital punishment saves lives, except maybe a couple dozen a year.
- Abortion should not be a choice, except for parents who don't believe in vaccinating children.
- Healthcare is not a right just like not paying your doctor bill is not a right.
- Bleeding heart liberals think everything is a right, except free speech for people on the right.
- Instead of taxing the rich, we should be taxing the poor and uneducated as punishment for being poor and uneducated. Why the heck should we punish people for being successful. It's all backwards. Tax something. Anything. And you get less of it. Bam. Problem solved.
- Fibromyalgia is not a real disease. The other name for it is Depressed Women With Borderline Personality Disorder.
- Minimum wage is minimum because it requires minimum skills. If you don't want to make minimum wage, don't have minimum skills.
If you're still reading this, you're probably gullible. And, you probably need to find some other way to spend your time. You just wasted three minutes of your life. Consider going to the ER immediately and ask for Bob. Tell them Happy sent you. They'll be expecting you. Before you go, make sure to review the giant collection of medical humor ecards on Pinterest. You've already wasted 3 minutes of your life. What's another hour in the grand scheme of things.
"The doctor said this new medication called Placebo works better than Dilaudid."
This post is for entertainment purposes and likely contains humor that is only understood by some healthcare professionals and people who are emotionally stable. Read at your own risk.
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