I Only Smoke Two Cigarettes A Day (Good Smoking Humor).

For centuries, doctors have  been taught to be suspicious of any patient that says, "I only smoke two cigarettes a day" or "I only drink two beers a day."   No alcoholic drinks just two beers a day and no smoker smokes just two cigarettes a day.  It just doesn't happen.  Part of being an addict is to minimize their addiction.   The Happy Hospitalist is always on guard for trickery and  slight of words.  After interrogation, many patients who claim to only drink two beers a day are found to top it off with 12 shots of whiskey.  Other times, the two drinks are discovered to be bottles of wine.

Many medical studies have proven  patients lie to their physicians.  Doctors are trained to  expect patients to be untruthful about their vices.   Are doctors being judgmental toward their patients' drinking and smoking habits by assuming lies, lies and more lies?  Not until recently when a  new brand of cigarette exploded in popularity.   Move over Marlboro.  Move over Camel.  Take a seat in the back row Virginia Slim.  There's  a new pack in town.  What is the most popular brand of premium cigarettes on the market in the United States today?  Why, it's none other than I ONLY SMOKE 2 CIGARETTES A DAY.  

That's right folks.  It took less than a year, but "I ONLY SMOKE 2 CIGARETTES A DAY is now the most popular brand of cigarette by a margin of 2:1.  Coming in a distant second is the brand I ONLY SMOKE 2 OR 3 CIGARETTES A DAY.  Shame on you doctors for judging your patients like that.  If they say they only smoke 2 cigarettes a day, than who are you to judge if they just happen to smoke 5 packs of them a day.  Now please enjoy this original Happy Hospitalist medical ecard humor, part of a complete collection of crude medical humor ecards on Pinterest.

"Telling me you only smoke five cigarettes a day is like telling me you're only kind of pregnant."

"I see here that you quit smoking the day you got admitted to the hospital.  That's too bad.  I was going to write you a script for medical marijuana to help with your pain."

"While you were out smoking, I really missed caring for your every need.  Said no nurse ever."

"Stop bitching about my smoking and just give me that $400/month inhaler to make me feel better."

"While smoking is expensive, it's really your diabetes that has cost you a leg and a leg."

"One does not simply smoke 2 cigarettes a day."

"I don't always leave the floor for some fresh air. But when I do I smoke fresh cigarettes."

 

"One does not simply quit smoking the day before admission."

 

"I don't always have money for my inhalers but when I do I buy cigarettes instead."

 

"Prepare yourself. I'm only eating cabbage after my CABG."

 "Prepare Yourself! Chronic Obstructive 4th of July exacerbations are coming!"

This post contains humor that may only be understood by some health care professionals. Read at your own risk.
 

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